* I predict at the start of 2016 you will subscribe to a magazine where the 1st issue is 99p with a free binder but subsequent issues are 6.99 and after realizing you will need to spend £56,542.99 to complete the collection and finish crocheting a WWII battleship in organic noodles you will cancel your subscription.

*You will binge buy cleaning products and storage boxes from Costco/Tesco/Wilko & Co and start clearing that junk draw out. This year you are going to be organized and streamline your life! You will then end up spending 3 hours on the kitchen floor staring at old photographs and reminiscing before shoving it all back into the drawer and using the storage boxes for all the novelty socks and fruit fragranced bubble bath you got for Christmas.

*You will chuck your fags/chocolate/alcohol in the garbage and buy a fridge full of organic fruit and veg – some of which you dont even know how to use…a week later you will have a refrigerator full off vegetables growing new vegetables and various types of fungus. You,ll use those Argos vouchers to buy a juicer and attempt to salvage as many fruits n veggies before they go out of date by blending them into “delicious” smoothies. No they really do taste quite nice if you use a straw and dont look at it and try not to breath through your nose cos it smells worse – than it looks worse – than it tastes. *

*Eventually you,ll have raided the storage box for that bottle of Pink Lambrini and out of date Quality Street you won at the School Christmas Fair and you,ll smoke that lone cigarette you found in that stray packet in the junk drawer cos theres no point wasting it and theres no point keeping a packet just for one fag. Youre streamlining and de-cluttering after all!

*You will finally join that Zumbarobics-Danceboxing Class and buy all the flash, designer gear to wear. If youre gonna put all that work in you deserve to look your best doing it! 2 weeks in you,ll convince yourself it wasnt really a waste of money that you only did 2 sessions – cos if you look at it as 2 nights out youd have spent £100 anyway right? Well, you know with taxis and a babysitter n everything….. and you can always wear those yoga pants round the house with a nice top.

God my Psychic powers are on FIRE today! How am I doing THIS?!!

Happy New Year Everyone. The very best of luck to you, and remember it is our light and not our darkness that truly frightens us. Dont let your fear of success hold you back!